You Could Be Happy
by Krys33
Summary: “He remembers the shouts and screams and hateful words. Yes, when he closes his eyes, it’s as clear as if it has only happened seconds ago.” [BB angst, songfic]


A/N: Songfic, written in a very short amount of time. Not counting the argument, which was orginally written separately. :) Main propt for this, actually, was the first line of the flashback/argument, taken from the great book, The Writer's Book of Matches (a book of _prompts_!). Lyrics in **bold**, from Snow Patrol's 'You Could Be Happy', flashback in _italics_.

--

"**You could be happy and I won't know  
But you weren't happy the day I watched you go"**

--

Booth sits up in bed, leaning back against the headboard as he stares up at the ceiling in the dark.

He doesn't want close his eyes. When he does, he goes back.

Back to that room, back when she was still here.

And though at some point this may be a good thing, right now it isn't exactly how he wants to remember her.

--

"**And all the things that I wished I had not said  
Are played in loops 'til it's madness in my head **

Is it too late to remind you how we were?  
But not our last days of silence, screaming, blur"

--

He remembers her telling him she's leaving.

He remembers the shouts and screams and hateful words.

Yes, when he closes his eyes, it's as clear as if it has only happened seconds ago.

--

"_I'm giving you ten seconds. Then I swear I'll kick the door in."_

"_You wouldn't."_

"_You know I will."_

"_Just… go, Booth." _

"_No. We are not through discussing this."_

"_Yes, we are." _

"_No, we're not."_

_She didn't bother to reply, nor did she move to unlock the door._

"_Ten. Nine. Eight."_

"_What are you doing?"_

_He ignored her. "Seven. Six. Five. Four."_

"_Don't you dare, Seeley Booth!"_

"_Three. Two…"_

_She held her breath, eyes wide. _He really is going to…

"_One." _

_And with a loud bang, her door flew open, revealing her very annoyed partner._

_Brennan remained where she was. "Do you have _no_ respect for the privacy of others?"_

"_Not when they storm off in the middle of a conversation."_

"_It was the end of the conversation."_

"_You didn't even let me say anything!"_

"_Actually, as I recall, you said that I was a 'self-centered _bitch_," she spat out the word as though it were poison, letting it hang in the air for just a moment before she finished her sentence. "who didn't give a damn about anybody else!'"_

_Booth slid a hand over his face. "I was _angry_, Bones. I didn't mean it."_

"_It sure _sounded_ like you did!"_

_He had nothing to say to that. Well, he did. The words just wouldn't come out. _

_He was frozen, mouth unable to move and tell her what he wanted to say, what she wanted to hear._

_She'd waited, given him a chance to explain. And he'd just stood there, staring at her._

"_Go." Brennan wasn't going to wait anymore. If he didn't want to talk to her, fine. _

_Finally, he spoke. "Temperance, I-"_

"Go_." Her voice wasn't any louder, but somehow it filled the room. _

_And with a last, apologetic glance, he left, hoping that she could tell by the look in his eyes just how sorry he actually was._

--

"**Most of what I remember makes me sure  
I should have stopped you from walking out the door **

You could be happy, I hope you are  
You made me happier than I'd been by far"

--

Booth had hoped she was going to stop by his office on the way to the airport and say goodbye, or at least give him a parting phone call before her plane took off.

Or just an _email_, for God's sake.

He wanted _something_. Some sort of closure.

Something to remember her by besides an argument.

And if he tries, really tries, when he closes his eyes…

He can remember her smiling.

That's when he realizes that maybe he should've stopped her. Maybe he should've been the one to initiate closure.

Maybe, if he had, she'd still be here.

--

"**Somehow everything I own smells of you  
And for the tiniest moment it's all not true"**

--

He catches a whiff of her perfume in the air, and finds it's emanating from his shirt.

The one he's washed over and over again to get rid of the scent of her.

And he wonders for a moment if maybe it's not really there after all, it's just part of him now. Something so familiar that he can sense it even if it's not there.

If that even makes any sense at all. He's not really thinking straight.

--

"**Do the things that you always wanted to  
Without me there to hold you back, don't think, just do **

More than anything I want to see you girl  
Take a glorious bite out of the whole world"

--

Through all of this, though, he discovers that he's not mad at her. He thinks that he should be, but he's not.

He's mad at himself for letting her leave.

All he hopes for her is that she's happy. It's all he ever wanted, really.

And there's only one thing that disappoints him more than knowing that he'll never see her again:

Knowing that he'll never know if she's happy.

So for now, he contents himself with closing his eyes and traveling backwards in time.

Back before she left.

Back before the argument.

Back before their partnership, even.

He goes back to that first moment he saw her, across the lab, when she raised her head, and her eyes met his.

And he finally smiles.

Because back then, she was happy.

--

**End**


End file.
